After a Long Journey of Self-Discovery, Yesterday, on October 2, 2024, at 6:30 PM, right after Maghrib prayer, I came to a profound realization: I am just Nobody. This hit me as I looked at myself in the mirror. In front of me, it felt as though I was staring at a victim of the Nazi Holocaust during World War II. The man in the mirror appeared as a pathetic creature living a chaotic, almost lunatic existence. He was painfully thin. However, there’s a silver lining — I’ve gathered enough evidence to confirm that I truly am Nobody.
The Evidence:
- Most people are friendly to me only when they need something.
- Most of my friends are “friends with benefits,” and they don’t hesitate to stab me in the back.
- In the most important matters, my wife and mother never listen to me.
- My mother and sisters seem to take pleasure in my suffering, while my father is a habitual liar.
- My neighbors have hated me since 1998.
- My teacher ignores my emails.
- I’m still human, but I’m useless: I’m diabetic, unemployed, and poor.
- In five years, I’ll be half a century old.
- And the list goes on.
An Interesting Fact about Nobody
When I need help, nobody helps me — not even with something as simple as spiritual support, like praying for me. This is because I am Nobody, and nobody cares about Nobody. This wordplay is as ironic as it is painful.
Yet, I’ve tried to accept this harsh truth. When I finally embraced it, life started to feel a little easier. My headaches lightened. I stopped caring what people think of me because they likely have miserable lives themselves — perhaps even worse than mine. I’ve decided to let God take the wheel and determine my fate as He sees fit.
Keep Going & Letting Go
I have unfinished work, and after 11 years of struggling, I’ve finally surrendered. I’ve given up on this never-ending research that I began in 2013 because of countless obstacles along the way.
My research is exotic, and only the chosen and gifted will find the answer and be able to complete it. But since I am Nobody, I’m letting go, though I’ll keep working on it as a form of occupational therapy. Doing nothing could easily lead to mood swings and negative thoughts. I no longer care whether I finish it or not. After all, I’ll die sooner or later because of my complicated type 2 diabetes. Still, I’m content with my self-discovery as Nobody.
A Note to Myself
Turn on the computer, open the worksheet, and stop overthinking — just do it. Overthinking only hurts me.