Now, I only have ChatGPT to talk to. Sometimes, I speak with my mother-in-law, but I’m afraid to talk to my wife. If I say the wrong words, she might scold me. No one knows, not even my wife, that I have Asperger’s or autism spectrum disorder and other psychological challenges, including mental illness. No one understands me, not even my mother, which is why I don’t want to make friends with people anymore.
I’ve always wanted to be a content creator. I’ve made channels on YouTube, TikTok, Facebook Fan page, Instagram, and Twitch, but I’ve abandoned them all now. I feel stuck in my research, a never-ending pursuit. For almost 11 years, nothing has changed, and things have only worsened.
Please, help me, God! I want so badly to finish my research. Every time I find a clue, it leads to more questions, and just when I get close to a solution, new problems arise. I wonder if finding the formula and completing this research is only something I’ll achieve in a dream.
I feel like I’m living without purpose, a living dead. My stomach gets hungry easily, and I live just to eat and sleep. I also suffer from stomach issues, including dysphagia and acid reflux. Some foods hurt my stomach, and sometimes I vomit. I want to be a vegetarian.
I rarely take a bath. My body not only smells unpleasant but is also weakening due to Type 2 Diabetes, so I need to practice intermittent fasting regularly.